


She is Love

by Idreamofhazel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Loving Sam, Sappy Fluff, Taking Care Of Sam, all the things you wish you could do for sam, hints of angst, inspired by the song she is love, season 1-7ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-15 02:08:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9214313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idreamofhazel/pseuds/Idreamofhazel
Summary: During a quiet morning in bed, Sam reflects on everything you are to him.





	

If Sam could recount all the things that you were to him, he would, but that was nearly impossible as you were so many, many things to him. As he laid on his side, your warm body softly nestled into the curve of his and his finger trailing lightly on your arm, he saw all the things you were, the sum of which was love, and that love came in many forms over the years.

At first, your love was the rush of adrenaline through his veins–that ever-present sense of excitement when he had the fortune of meeting your gaze. It took only a fleeting glance for you to capture him wholly, during the swift and ordinary moment of serving him and Dean a beer. After that, he’d found every excuse to end up at the Roadhouse until Dean finally said enough. He wasn’t going out of his way to stop at Ellen’s just so Sam could grab a beer and ask how you were doing. Sam was given an ultimatum: he had to ask you out or no more trips. So he asked you on a date and you said yes. The rest was history.

Then your love was constantly new and engaging. There were many long discussions over coffee and even more over the phone when you couldn’t meet. Sam took every chance he had to discover more about you. You were full of more knowledge than any book he had ever read, much more engaging than any novel, and you kept him on his toes better than the cases he worked. He wanted to flip every page in your brain, pick it apart and analyze it, but he thought he’d never get to the end. There was too much to you and a lifetime would not have been long enough to complete your story.

As the relationship deepened, you continually amazed him with thoughtful gestures and kisses at exactly the right times. You knew when to cling or when to give space, when to drag him out for a run or keep him inside for rest. You knew to buy him word puzzles to keep his mind off work and you even remembered the salads he preferred at gas station stops. There grew an easy rhythm between the two of you, one that neither of you could explain, but that was seen and felt by anyone around you. That rhythm became a constant in both your minds. It was always there. It never had to be brought up or paid careful attention to. It was natural and self-preserving.

Your love was uniquely and unexpectedly steadfast. There were many opportunities for you to find a better life, and many times when Sam thought you would. But you never ran from him, not even when demon blood stained his teeth so red that he looked like an animal. You never hated him, not even when Lucifer was running rampant across the earth and he was to blame. You never left him, not when he allowed Lucifer in, not when his hands killed Castiel and Bobby and almost Dean, and certainly not when he died; his soul presumably lost forever to Lucifer’s cage.

You remained when he was soulless as well, even though he had broken your heart. Time spent away from him, thinking he was dead, had hardened parts of you that he only recognized once his soul was back in place. He was so blind until that happened, thinking that you and Dean were fine, hunting and carrying on without him. That was the rational thing to believe, but he never saw the tear-stained pillows, the moments where all you or Dean could do was hold each other until one of you quit sobbing, or the violent outbursts most often let out during hunts. He only heard the stories and weeped over them after the fact. He never understood why you remained by his side after that. Even when Dean was having second guesses and often looked as if he could kill Sam, you were kind, you were understanding, and you never once blamed him for his soulless actions.

You took the brunt of so many of the things he went through. When he lost his mind, you helped to ground him. You woke him up during nightmares and you watched over him when he couldn’t watch over himself. When you both thought Dean had died, you were the only thing that kept him from running away as fast as he could. He loved you with every fiber of his being and he couldn’t imagine not having you by his side, but he would often turn around, expecting you to be long gone, weather-worn and done with his troubles, but you were always there. You were a rock; the steady foundation upon which he stood.

He felt that you carried far too much. You were always threading needles through his skin and pushing him to keep his faith and holding him up as he teetered over the mental edge of insanity. You stayed strong through it all. You were the roots and he was the tree and you held him up through every sort of storm, no matter how powerful and destructive it was.

He wanted to repay you for all you’d done for him, but no matter how wonderful or meaningful or great his gesture was, he felt that it paled in comparison to what you had given him. He tried and failed to do the same for you, to hold you up when you were hurting and to steady your feet when you were lost, but it was hard when most often the reason for your moments of weakness were him. He never understood why the two of you were still together because you should’ve ran away a long time ago, but he wouldn’t try to understand that. It took the wonderment out of it all. All he would do is take in these moments–the early mornings of quiet breathing and warm sheets– and savor them by pulling you close and holding you there, tucked right into his side where you belonged. And you would instinctively relax into him, asleep or not, just like you were doing now.

He smiled softly and pressed his lips to your temple and then he knew you were awake, because your lips curved up ever so slightly. You took his hand and wrapped it around your waist and you both settled into the position, content in the idea that moments like these were your life for the rest of the time you were alive. Being without each other was not ever an option. Sam could never live without your love.


End file.
